don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
