She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
