I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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