I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
