I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
