it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
