So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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