No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
