glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
