at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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