Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
