i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize