He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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