So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
