Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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