put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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