Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
