Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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