so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
