I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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