I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
