Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
