Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize