He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
