new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
