never play flip cup with pint glasses
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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