I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize