Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
