I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
