On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
