shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize