Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
