At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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