Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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