dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
