We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
