how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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