just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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