She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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