Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
