No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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