So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize