omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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