dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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