My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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