We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
