hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't turn off my feet"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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