I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
