i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
