watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
