I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
