Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
