I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
