Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
