batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
