Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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