So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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