so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
