I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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