if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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