I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Every concussion has its silver lining
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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