if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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