I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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