she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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