atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
