apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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