after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
