i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
