So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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