I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
