Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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