I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
