U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
