Say something about gay babies.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
