Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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