She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
