A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
