why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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