OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
