Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
