margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
