my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
