ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
