He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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