AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
