Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
