I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
