so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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