glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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