I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
then he tried to convert me to islam
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize