I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
