There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
