Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
