just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
