"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just high enough for therapy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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